Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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