hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
