You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
vagina is talking i cant
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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