allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I am naked and annoyed.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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