I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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