I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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