I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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