So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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