I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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