highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
