The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
