toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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