My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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