I just gift wrapped bread.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I deserve this hangover.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
