YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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