i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
