How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
