I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
