No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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