I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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