I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
