Got a toothbrush?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
