apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
