The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
