my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
