Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
