I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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