Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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