I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
