Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
