I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize