I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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