New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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