he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
