I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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