My liver just broke up with me...
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
