I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
