i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
