He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
