goodnight i made you a song goodbye
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
