remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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