It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
