he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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