guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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