a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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