The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize