Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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