so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I woke up under a house in Key West
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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