the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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