i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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