i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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