im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
