the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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