Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
