he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
