theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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