Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I want a musical about memes.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
