I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
