you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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