I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
