Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
that's an acceptable place to lick
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
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