We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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