my mouth tastes like poor choices
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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