we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Randomize
