We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
