pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Randomize
