you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
