Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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