my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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