I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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