well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
