Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
