So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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