you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Randomize
