i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
When are your genitals available?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
