I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
