Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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